Tag: bipolar

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Mental Health Update – June 2025

It has been an interesting few months since I last shared how I have been doing. I was in a depression for quite a while and was having a hard time forcing myself to go places and do things. For example, I skipped a lot of church because I just couldn’t make myself go (thankfully, I can watch the services online). I even had a few days where I was crying for no specific reason.

I did talk to my psychiatrist and we increased one of my meds. She originally suggested increasing the antidepressant, but I worried about doing that because of the bipolar 2 dx, so we increased the mood stabilizer instead. (I see her through an autism clinic, so she had forgotten that I also had the bipolar 2 dx, or she probably wouldn’t have made the first suggestion.)

About three weeks ago, I woke up on a Sunday and my first thought was, I would like to go to church today. It has been the same the last two Sundays as well, even this past Sunday after I stayed up most of the night scrolling TikTok. Normally that would be a reason for me to skip, but I knew that I wanted to go. I’m glad I went because the service was great and the sermon was powerful. I even had successful conversations with a couple of people!

I am feeling a bit upset today because Saturday was my 30-year anniversary with my company and no one has acknowledged it in any way. The same thing happened with my 25th, but I chalked that up to COVID; at the time, I had been cut to part-time and was thankful to still have a job.

On a good note, I am starting to look forward to a trip my son and I are taking in September to visit my family in Illinois. I was feeling very anxious about how I would handle it given how depressed I have been, but now it feels much more manageable. Hopefully, I will still feel that way when the time comes.

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More or Less Maddy

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5

More or Less Maddy is the newest release from Lisa Genova, and it centers on Maddy Banks, a young woman with bipolar disorder. Genova does an amazing job in this novel of taking us through Maddy’s experiences with depression and mania that lead to her diagnosis of bipolar, as well as the ups and downs she goes through as she struggles to accept what that diagnosis means for her.

I love that Genova brings a background in neuroscience to her writing. As I read this story, I felt like I was right there with Maddy, feeling the highs and the lows she was dealing with both before she got diagnosed and after, when she was trying to reconcile her need for medication and stability with her desire to pursue her dream of comedy.

I could also empathize with her family and friends, who just wanted her to be okay. Yes, that made them less supportive of her dreams than they could be, but I could understand the desire to see Maddy safe and as healthy as possible.

This was an emotional read and I would highly recommend it.

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My Journey with Psych Meds

I have a love/hate relationship with psych meds. I have been on and off anti-depressants for about 16 years, since Michael was 5 months old. I had struggled with mental health issues for years without getting any help, but after Michael was born I experienced severe postpartum depression and was barely functioning. I finally told my doctor what was going on and she prescribed my first anti-depressant.

After a few years on the medication, I found it wasn’t really working the way it had been. I was on Celexa and my emotions were so muted that I don’t think I would have reacted even if the house were on fire. At that point the doctor switched me to Wellbutrin. It worked great for a couple of years, giving me some energy and making me more connected with things again. But after a while, I found it was making me too agitated and had to stop it.

I tried other things but didn’t find one that worked and I ended up not taking anything for a while. I was in therapy by this point and even though I switched therapists a couple of times, it was helpful.

I eventually went back on an anti- depressant. When I went through the separation from my ex-husband, I was really struggling so the doctor increased my dosage a couple of times. Over the next few months, things got really weird. I was exhibiting strange behaviors and out of control moods. I finally told my psychiatrist everything that was going on and she realized that I had been experiencing hypomania, brought on by the increase in the anti-depressant.

She then diagnosed me with bipolar 2 and put me on a mood stabilizer. We tried several different ones, but I kept having lots of side effects such as being groggy. Finally we tried Risperdal and it worked great. I was still dealing with depression and anxiety so I also took Prozac for that. As long as I take the Risperdal, the Prozac doesn’t trigger any hypomania.

Things were stable for quite a while, but then I gradually stopped taking the Prozac. I was feeling disconnected and having trouble engaging with life and I thought things would be better without it. But instead I was miserable. I had to increase my counseling frequency and even that wasn’t really helping. Finally I started taking the Prozac again and now I feel great. I have decided to accept the feeling of being somewhat muted in order to avoid the depression and anxiety.

Things feel pretty stable right now and I’m hopeful that they will continue to be that way. I am down to one a month counseling and see the psychiatrist every three months, which is great for my budget as well. It’s easier to focus and be productive and I’m not sidetracked by constant worrying or preoccupation with my moods. All in all, taking the meds is the best way to go for me.

Have you ever tried psych meds? What has your experience been?