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My Deconstruction Journey Through Books

My Deconstruction Journey

I have come a long way in the last few years with regard to my faith and my understanding of God and the church. Many beliefs that I never felt comfortable with have been discarded, and other ideas that I had accepted as gospel have been dispelled as man-made and untrue. I have listened to a lot of podcasts and learned a lot from various forms of social media, but I have also read several books that have been very helpful. I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I wanted to share the books I have learned from so far here.

An Early Foray into Deconstruction

The first book I can recall reading in the deconstruction area was in July 2020, and the book was Fierce, Free and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You by Jen Hatmaker.  At the time it made me nervous to even be reading the book because some of her views did not align with the doctrine I had been taught all my life growing up in a pentecostal church and then moving into a charismatic church later on.  I ended up skimming the book and not really looking for anything else like it.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood

Fast forward to November of 2023 and I had moved to an inclusive, justice-oriented church and was starting to embrace some new ideas and let go of some old ones.  I then read A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans, which was a very readable book detailing how she spent a year trying to live out characteristics and actions commonly thought to make a biblical woman.  She spent one month focusing on each of twelve different areas.  It was fascinating and I felt my spirit opening up to more possibilities of what it could mean to be a Christian.

Fierce, Free and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You

After that, in December 2023, I decided to reread Fierce, Free and Full of Fire: The Guide to Being Glorious You by Jen Hatmaker.  I appreciated it a lot more the second time around.  It is a self-reflective book and very encouraging.

Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again

In January 2024, I read another Rachel Held Evans book called Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again.  This book focused on exploring the Bible in a variety of ways using different types of literary expression.  Interestingly enough, one of my Bible professors in college talked a lot about the Bible as literature.  He was considered borderline heretical by some of the students, but he was still pretty conservative in what he shared with us compared to some of what I have read and heard over the last few years.

She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up

The next book I read in March 2024 was She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky.  This is a book aimed primarily at women who have daughters and want to give them better messages about their bodies and themselves than they would get from purity culture. I really enjoyed this book; even though I don’t have a daughter, it helped me with some of the internalized messages I still had from growing up in a conservative church environment.  This book is based on strong research the authors have conducted and contains a lot of charts and graphs highlighting various results they found.

Where We Meet: A Lenten Study of Systems, Stories, and Hope

During the Lent season of 2024, I attended a virtual Bible study hosted by my pastor, and we read and discussed the book Where We Meet: A Lenten Study of Systems, Stories, and Hope by Rachel Gilmore, Candace Lewis, et al.  The book contained daily reflections with a different topic for each week: Beginning the Journey, Diversity, Postcolonial, Equity, Contextual, and Innovation.  I was introduced to a lot of new concepts that I hope to spend more time studying at some point.

The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth

In May 2024, I read Beth Allison Barr’s book The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth.  In this book, Barr traces the history of the belief that God designed women to be submissive wives, virtuous mothers, and joyful homemakers. This was a well-written, easy-to-follow account of the historical events that have shaped this teaching into what it is today in American conservative circles.  It really helped solidify my thoughts on this topic.

Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation

Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation by Kristin Kobes Du Mez is another book tracing the history of the conservative American church.  I read this in August 2024 and found it thoroughly fascinating and readable.  Du Mez takes us through the last 75 years of white evangelicalism in America, showing us how rugged masculinity and Christian Nationalism have taken over and also how these developments have led to the championing of Donald Trump by the religious right.

The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church

In September 2024, I picked up a recently released book called The Exvangelicals: Loving, Living, and Leaving the White Evangelical Church by Sarah McCammon.  This was a very well-written book that is part memoir and part informational discourse on the issues that arise for people who don’t fit or who start to question the church.  I could relate to a lot of this book and found it very encouraging to the journey I have been on myself.

DNF (Did Not Finish)

I was recently reading Her Gates Will Never Be Shut: Hope, Hell, and the New Jerusalem by Bradley Jersak.  This was my second time attempting this book.  The writing is more dry and complicated, and I just had too hard a time getting through it.  I have always had a lot of fear of hell (and the rapture!), and what I got from what I did read is that there is really no way to know definitively what is going to happen as the Bible can be used to support several different views of the afterlife.  A related book I also DNF’d was Revelation for the Rest of Us: A Prophetic Call to Follow Jesus as a Dissident Disciple by Scot McKnight with Cody Matchett.  That book was too esoteric for me.

Moving Forward

I have noticed that all but one of the books I have read have been written by women.  I think that is interesting.  I have listened to a number of male podcasters, so I’m not anti-men by any means, but it seems like I gravitate towards books that are written from a woman’s perspective.

I have a large list of books related to deconstruction on my TBR.  Here is what I have at this point:

  • Faith Unraveled: How a Girl Who Knew All the Answers Learned to Ask Questions by Rachel Held Evans
  • Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church by Rachel Held Evans
  • A Flexible Faith: Rethinking What It Means to Follow Jesus Today by Bonnie Kristian
  • The Evangelical Imagination: How Stories, Images, and Metaphors Created a Culture in Crisis by Karen Swallow Prior
  • How God Sees Women: The End of Patriarchy by Terran Williams
  • Marriage in the Bible: What Do the Texts Say? By Jennifer Grace Bird
  • The Liturgy of Politics: Spiritual Formation for the Sake of Our Neighbor by Kaitlyn Schiess
  • The Ballot and the Bible: How Scripture Has Been Used and Abused in American Politics and Where We Go from Here by Kaitlyn Schiess
  • Reading While Black: African American Biblical Interpretation as an Exercise in Hope by Esau McCaulley
  • The Color of Compromise: The Truth About the American Church’s Complicity in Racism by Jemar Tisby
  • How to Fight Racism: Courageous Christianity and the Journey Toward Racial Justice by Jemar Tisby
  • Beyond Fragility: A Skills-Based Guide to Effective Anti-Racist Allyship by Yara Mekawi, Natalie Watson-Singleton, and Danyelle Dawson (I think this is a secular book, but it seems to fit in this list.)
  • The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
  • Baby Dinosaurs on the Ark: The Bible and Modern Science and the Trouble of Making It All Fit by Janet Kellogg Ray
  • God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines
  • UnClobber by Colby Martin
  • Star-Spangled Jesus: Leaving Christian Nationalism and Finding a True Faith by April Ajoy

I am open to suggestions of other books you have found helpful in deconstructing harmful doctrines that are taught in the American church and in finding your way to a more honest and loving faith.

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Marrakesh

Marrakesh is a 1000-piece puzzle from eeBoo, and the artist is Miranda Softoniou. It is a delightful and colorful image showing a street in a market area, and I had a lot of fun solving it. I really enjoy puzzles from this brand, especially the ones featuring scenes from various cities around the world. Even though there is a lot going on in the image, it was not overwhelming.

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Park Avenue

Park Avenue is a 500-piece puzzle from Puzzle Crush, and the artist is Joy LaForme. Interestingly enough, the first puzzle that I did back in 2021 was from Puzzle Crush. I had some definite quality issues with that one, but I am glad to say that the quality of this puzzle was much better and I had no problems with it.

I found this image to be so pretty that I bought it fairly quickly after seeing it. I knew the pink foliage would be tricky to put together, but I figured it couldn’t be too bad since it was only 500 pieces. And I was right – the bottom and middle parts went together easily, and once I shape sorted, the top part wasn’t too bad.

I would consider more from this brand and from this artist, who I know has a lot of puzzles out there.

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What I’m Reading – November 2024

What I’m Reading Now

The Silver Bullets of Annie Oakley by Mercedes Lackey – This is #16 in the Elemental Masters series. I added it to my TBR back in January 2022 and kept waiting for it to be added to the Libby app so I could borrow it. I recently decided to start investigating all the different ways I could access books (Hoopla, Kindle Unlimited – not a current member but could join if there were a lot of TBR books available there, and physical books from the library). I found several books from my list available as physical books, so I’m going to start from the oldest and work my way forward.

Gryphon in Light by Mercedes Lackey and Larry Dixon – This is the 1st book in the Kelvren’s Saga series, but the 56th book in the overall Valdemar world. This is another one that has been on my list for a while, since July 2023, and I was able to get a physical copy from the library.

What I Recently Finished

Passions in Death by J. D. Robb – This is #59 from the In Death series about Eve Dallas, a police detective in futuristic New York City. Amazing, as always!

Open House by Elizabeth Berg – This novel is about a woman finding her way after divorce.  Samantha’s husband has left her and, in order to keep the house she and her son Travis live in, she takes in roommates and begins working temp jobs.  Along the way, she makes new friends and discovers the self she lost a long time ago. It seemed a bit slow at first, but as I relaxed into the pace of the story, I found myself drawn into it.  The style of this book reminds me a bit of Jamie Langston Turner, who is one of my favorite writers.

The Last List of Mabel Beaumont by Laura Pearson – The whole time I was reading this book, I had the feeling I had read it before. So much of it seemed very familiar. I didn’t remember the ending, but it is still possible I had previously read it. I really enjoyed it.

The Reading List by Sara Nisha Adams – I very much liked this debut novel about a teenager and a widower who bond over a reading list. The story weaves the books they are reading around the events happening in their lives in a compelling way.

Ambush at Sorato by John Flanagan – This is #7 in the Ranger’s Apprentice: The Royal Ranger series, which is a spinoff of the original Ranger’s Apprentice series. I have read all of Flanagan’s books and always look forward to a new one coming out. Even though they are written for kids, I find them very readable and fun.

Freckles by Ceclia Ahern – I wanted to like this book because I have enjoyed several others by Ahern, but I just couldn’t. Perhaps it is because I could acutely feel the main character’s confusion at the situations she gets herself into due to her lack of understanding of how the world works and of people and relationships. This is one of the more obviously autistic-coded characters I have read, and I can see so much of her in myself as well as other autistic people I know.

What I’ve Added to my TBR List

  • When We Were Widows by Annette Chavez Macias
  • Grave Talk by Nick Spalding
  • I’ll Be Seeing You: A Memoir by Elizabeth Berg
  • Durable Goods by Elizabeth Berg
  • Joy School by Elizabeth Berg
  • True to Form by Elizabeth Berg
  • Ordinary Life: Stories by Elizabeth Berg
  • The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted: And Other Small Acts of Liberation by Elizabeth Berg
  • Lies and Other Love Languages by Sonali Dev
  • A Christmas Duet by Debbie Macomber

Did Not Finish

Her Gates Will Never Be Shut: Hope, Hell, and the New Jerusalem by Bradley Jersak – I have tried twice to read this book and have finally given up. The writing is very dry and I just can’t stay focused on it while reading. I am interested in the topic, but I think I’ll stick to listening to podcasts about it from now on.

If you’re on Goodreads, feel free to add me as a friend. I’m always looking for new recommendations!

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Trick or Treat Hotel

Trick or Treat Hotel is a 1000-piece puzzle from Buffalo Games, and the artist is Charles Wysocki. I purchased this several months ago and have been holding onto it for Halloween puzzling. My friend Suzanne was over one night and helped me get it started. She did the border, which she loves doing, and I started on the house.

It took me a few days of puzzling to finish this one, mainly because the colors are so dark and similar to each other. I figured that would happen going into it, though, so I wasn’t upset by it. I really loved putting the house together. The rest was okay, but the house was great.

Happy Halloween!!

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Welcome to Spooky Town

Welcome to Spooky Town is a 500-piece puzzle from Mudpuppy, and the artist is Stephanie Birdsong. I picked it up because it was such a fun Halloween image, and it did end up being a lot of fun to put together.

I have always liked Halloween, even though I don’t really decorate for it. I always enjoyed taking my son trick or treating, and I also enjoyed the times I got to hand out candy. Now that my son is grown, he really enjoys handing out candy to trick or treaters as well. The last couple of years, he has done that at his dad’s house because they get a lot of kids in that area.

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Mid-Century Modern Dream Home

Mid-Century Modern Dream Home is a 1000-piece puzzle from Cobble Hill, and the artist is Diane Dempsey. The quality of this puzzle is outstanding. I chose it because I liked the image, which shows a variety of mid-century modern homes, along with some cars from that time frame.

With all that said, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have liked. There were a lot of the same colors spread across the puzzle, so it was hard to pick out a section to work on. It also had more brown and beige than I like. I do still plan to get some of their retro Christmas puzzles, though.

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Midnight in San Francisco

Midnight in San Francisco is part of the Cities at Midnight series from KI Puzzles. It is 1000 pieces, and the artist is Mandalina Tantareanu. This was my first puzzle from this brand, and I was impressed by the quality. The pieces fit together well but weren’t too hard to take apart when I was done.

I was drawn to the beautiful color palette. The colors are vivd and soft at the same time, if that makes sense. I also love doing buildings, which this puzzle has several of, as well as a cable car and a suspension bridge. This was a nice challenge and a very enjoyable puzzle.

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The Gardener’s Palette

The Gardener’s Palette is a 1000-piece puzzle from Ravensburger. The artist is Anne Searle.

This one had been on my wish list for quite a while. I think the image is so pretty, but I also thought it would be doable since each type of flower has its own block within the puzzle. I stopped at Barnes & Noble before my last therapy appointment and picked it up then. Last week, I had a tooth pulled and my friend Renee brought me a dinner of soft foods and hung out to watch some Grey’s Anatomy. I had already seen the episodes and was getting restless, so I decided to start this puzzle. After sorting the pieces, I was glad I had my little vacuum because of course there is so much puzzle dust with Ravensburger.

I worked on the puzzle little by little over the next several days and it was such a joy to do. I love the quality of Ravensburger puzzles. It was so much nicer than some of the puzzles I have done recently (either because of poor quality or having been done so many times that they were soft and breaking apart). The image is just beautiful and it even has words to put together to identify each flower. (I love puzzling words!)

So pretty!

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Recent Reads from Elizabeth Berg

Elizabeth Berg is a prolific American author that I have enjoyed reading for many years.  I recently made a sweep through my Goodreads author list to see what books of theirs I hadn’t read yet, and I found several of Berg’s to add to my TBR.  In the last few months, I have read four of them.

Earth’s the Right Place for Love (2023) is the story of two young people growing up in Mason, Missouri.  One of those people is Arthur Moses, who is the main character in The Story of Arthur Truluv, published in 2017.  It focuses on love and grief and is an insightful, compelling story.

Tapestry of Fortunes (2013) is the enjoyable story of four women who live in a house together.  They decide to take a road trip together, each of them looking for a specific outcome.  It is great for anyone who enjoys feel-good books celebrating women’s friendships.

Once Upon a Time, There Was You (2011) follows Irene and John, divorced parents who are forced to come together when their daughter Sadie faces a tragedy.  There were some details that felt a bit contrived, but I still liked the book.

Open House (2000) is about a woman finding her way after divorce.  Samantha’s husband has left her and, in order to keep the house she and her son Travis live in, she takes in roommates and begins working temp jobs.  Along the way, she makes new friends and discovers the self she lost a long time ago. It seemed a bit slow at first, but as I relaxed into the pace of the story, I found myself drawn into it.  The style of this book reminds me a bit of Jamie Langston Turner, who is one of my favorite writers.